welcome to the real world.

why do people think its necessary to be fucking assholes?
like... why is it so difficult to go out of your way... no
not even go out of your way. just to even do one fucking thing for someone else.
like.. is it such an issue to be nice or generous or understanding? do people not have any heart? like...
why is it that majority of the time, im the only person who thinks its a good a idea to be a nice person to others? and im not even a nice person!!! how does it work that cant even catch a break in the only fucking thing im good at?
and people judge before they even know.
like.. you dont know anything about me... or my situation. or how i did what i did or how i got to where i am. so dont think you do. you dont know ANYTHING. you are so arrogant and just fucking ignorant to other people. so get off your fucking high horse. you are just as idiotic as all the other "stupid" people you see. just because you know alot about salamanders doesnt mean that everyone else is an idiot... it just means you know alot about one fucking thing. congrats.
you're not open minded about ANYTHING!! you think you know everything because you're employed at a fucking public state university. well guess what.... you don't know any more than anyone else in this room. you just know more about one fucking thing. you're just being a fucking cock. congratulations.
oh. and surprise. if you shut your fucking mouth and opened your fucking eyes every once in a while, you might actually learn something. you might not be that one fucking person who is just a dumb bitch in the back of the room with bugged eyes.
just shut the fuck up and listen. you might learn something.
on the other hand.
be compassionate
be sensible
be sympathetic.
just because you think you know how someone feels, you usually don't.
because once again, everyone is different. which means everyone handles things differently.
which means, when i work my fucking ASS off, it means you understand that even though it wasnt up to your expectations, or whatever the fuck, it was still a lot of fucking effort on my part. A lot of work and effort to get what i got. because sometimes when you actually give a shit about your work that's what happens.
I dont expect you to know me. so i dont expect you to go out on a limb and change around your whole policy just for someone you met a week ago and still can't pronounce their fucking name right.
but seriously.. the first time someone fucks up at something they have never done before, doesnt mean you need to punish them to a point where they wish ill things upon you. like.. why would you want that? why would you wnat to put someone in a situation where they are bound to do WORSE because of a punishment that you instilled upon them. wow.
seems like a fucking awesome way to get your point across. good job.
you're a bitch.
in conclusion....
i think that it's very important to be nice to other people. and even if you don't like someone, or you have a poilicy in place, or even if you're just an asshole, its nice to occasionally help someone out. or give them a hand.
or idk... not be a dick.
cuz if you're being a fuck... where is that gunna get you in life?
to the real world?
well... maybe that's your real world.
but if its full of people like you... fucking count me out.
cuz ive had my fair share of assholes.

Set your Goals. not the band.

Dear Self,
stop listening to others.
It is important for you to take the time and evaluate what YOU want in your life.
If it's different for what someone else wants for you. Fuck 'em. The goals you set for yourself are vital to who you are and who you become. If your goals change over time? Then so be it. However, goals are very individual. They reflect what you want to achieve for yourself and what you want to produce. What are you if not a productive human being? Is that not the purpose of life? to set a goal to achieve something and then reach that goal? Go to school. check. graduate. check. be a functioning member of society. check. you know? these things are important. But they are in direct relation to you. what you want to do. they have nothing to do with anyone else. and no one should have a say in what your goals are. they can say what they would LIKE to see you do. what they would LIKE to see you achieve. but in the end, only you have the power to control what things you actually bring to fruition. And sometimes, what is important to one person is very minimal in the eyes of someone else. And they shouldnt try to impose their life or their experiences on you. but that's a rant for a different time.
right now, focus. that means... don't let other people put into place a goal that you won't reach. because you don't have a desire or ambition, or any ability to do so.
think. then act. and dont let others skew you.

with love,
self.