Addicted to the Light.

Maybe it's the rain.
I'm not quite sure.
Maybe it's the lack of sunshine.
Maybe it's just something in the air.
Maybe it's the fact that I have a moment to sit here and think.
Just think.
But you know what?
You know WHY this feels so different?
It's the light.
When I sit here at this table, I can feel the incandescent lights shine down on me.
And it makes me feel.. well, light.
I can't really describe what it feels like to have something shine in you.
But that's what it feels like.
Using my best words, I would say...
It's like standing naked outside wrapped in a clean sheet on a warm june day with the one you love.
It's bliss.
It's unaltered joy.
That's what I feel in the light.
In the summer, with the sun shining down on my face.
It's like being wrapped in sunshine.
A sunshine hug.
hahahaha.
yeah.... a sunshine hug.
that's what it is.

It's like morning in my eyes.

Good morning world.
Happy to see you too.

I forgot how beautiful the world looked as sunrise.
So fresh and new.
It's like welcoming me back into the world.
Especially in the spring.
there is nothing like it.
the air is crisp and clean.
it's inspiring.
it makes me feel like waking up
and going for a run.
and then doing laundry and hanging it out on the clothesline.
It feels like nothing else.
How can I be missing this feeling everyday?
How did I not know what this felt like... everyday.
Alas, I opt for sleep over the sun peeking into my
unprepared eyes.
But not today.
No.
Today I welcome the sun.
Let it bath and wash over me.
Let it take my eyes and make them shine.
and just breathe.
breathe in fresh new air.
air of a new day.
air of days to come.

Wailing.

I sit here in a cloud, listening to the world
outside my cracked window.
What's that?
screeching brakes.
yeah, i relate to you too.
being forced to stop when you don't want to.
being forced to change.
you wanna just go and go...
but you can't...
so the brakes. they scream
like my heart screams in my chest.
unlike the bus with the squeaking brakes
I don't have someone to tell me what to do.
If I act like a machine will someone treat me like a machine?
If I pretend like what you say and do to me doesn't matter,
dear god,
will you treat me like I don't matter.
And stop letting me think this is fake.
that this is all a lie.
What's this I hear now?
laughter.
what a novel idea.
laughing, isn't it?
i hope that maybe one day I will know
laughter again.
Because here, here in this cloud,
we don't laugh.
we are serious, and we don't know fun
or whimsical frivolity.
we know work.
we know brutality.
and sensitivity eludes us.
can I have my laughter back?
oh but wait,
something new from the cracked window,
A siren?
where is it going?
it's coming closer.
It's coming for me?
Where am I?
How did I get here....
Oh... that's right.
you threw me down here with your words.
your lack of consideration.
and your lack of what i thought was abundant and
never-ending, blissful, jubilant, uninhibited love. for me.
but i guess i let my mind get away from me.
because here i am.
fallen through my cloud onto the cold hard ground.
waiting for you
while the sirens wail and wail
around my head.
you're not coming are you?
i should've known you wouldn't.
I'm too much for you.
I'm too much for anyone.
Isn't that what everyone's said?
Thanks for proving them right.
oh...
and that piece of my heart that you took.
keep it.
I won't need it where I'm going.